Sharona Smith’s search for the right school for her son did not start well, but the tale has a happy ending.
When we received the email that our son, Devan, had been placed in our second-choice school, we were relieved. We were working towards an ADHD diagnosis, and we believed our second-choice school would embrace his needs. But… within three months of Devan starting Reception I had been inundated with phone calls about his behaviour, and was regularly informed about complaints from other parents. No suggestions or support strategies were offered—simply reports of what he was doing wrong. At our first parent-teacher meeting, the head of SENCO repeatedly pushed us to pursue a private ADHD diagnosis so they could support him. It felt as though we were being blamed for his struggles and that, without a diagnosis, the school’s hands were tied.
The turning point came when I was called to collect Devan early from wraparound care due to misbehaviour. Fair enough, perhaps, but then the headteacher banned him permanently from attending the afterschool club. No discussion, no warning, no consideration of the impact on our family. He hadn’t done anything dangerous—he had simply acted like a tired four-year-old with ADHD.
When I asked about reinstating Devan into wraparound care, I was met with disbelief. The headteacher informed me that she would only consider reassessing his behaviour in six weeks time. Those six weeks were awful. It became clear that they had no intention of working with me to support Devan, and this had instead become a battle between myself and the school. I filed a formal complaint, citing their failure to follow their own behaviour policy, particularly in how they excluded a child with additional needs. The headteacher’s response was chilling—she extended Devan’s exclusion from wraparound care and accused me of harassment. It was a losing battle. Devan wasn’t going to get the support he needed. We felt helpless.
Then, miraculously, everything changed. On the last day before half-term, we got the call: two spots had opened at our first-choice school. Did we want them? Without skipping a beat, we said yes. From that point forward, everything felt different. At my request, I received a call from the head of SENCO before term started, and she reassured me that strategies were already in place to support children like Devan. With new uniforms, class WhatsApp groups, and even an invitation to a class party before school began, we stepped into this fresh start with hope.
Devan’s new school has been everything we wanted for him. His Reception teacher and TA adored him and worked with us to ensure his needs were met. Movement breaks? He became the class helper, delivering messages. Overwhelmed by the lunch hall? They introduced a lunch club. Needed a safe space for big feelings? They set up play therapy. The feedback at pick-up was a revelation. Sure, there were challenging days, but they focused on his progress—he shared with friends, sat on the carpet a little longer, excelled in Maths. They saw his strengths, not just his struggles. Even aftercare was a world apart. One of the staff pulled me aside after Devan had a particularly rowdy day. Bracing myself for bad news, I asked if he’d still be allowed to return. His response still sticks with me: “Mum, he’s a four-year-old acting like a four-year-old. We’ve handled better-behaved kids and worse-behaved kids. He’s absolutely fine. See you tomorrow.”
Devan has now been at his new school for over a year, and it has become our safe place. The right environment, with understanding educators, can transform a child’s school experience. If you’re battling a system that isn’t listening, know that change is possible. The right school doesn’t just support your child—it sees them for who they are and helps them thrive.